"Ah Women. They make the Highs higher and the Lows more frequent" - Nietzsche

This quote takes on a special meaning for me tonight because it's message describes my emotional state during these past few months. I'm utterly bipolar as of late, happiness receiving the shorter end of the time line. Don't bother calling me a hypocrite; I'm quite aware of the sinful contradiction I'm living. Me, the man who creates a blog to champion reason is plagued by irrationality. It's as disturbing to me as I'm sure it is to my readers. However, nothing can be done of it now. What's interesting is that this whole issue is quite paradoxical. I was content when I wasn't talking to **, because I could hold onto the dream of talking to **. The dream came true, and Nietzsche was certainly right; The high was high, higher than it's ever been. I got my wish. One would expect me to be happy, but I'm worse off than before. It's like a drug. I can't get enough, and each moment I'm deprived of it feels like a heavy link is added to the chain that is now weighing my soul down.  I feel I'm slowly going crazy. I've become prone to over-analysis of every minute detail. I have brief spells of neurosis. I'm trapped in inertia; my actions are governed almost entirely by the desire to regain that high, or at least break the low that seems to be becoming increasingly eternal in the face of the ephemeral good moment. Doubt, I think, is the cause. If I could figure out if ** shares the highs and lows, I could cure myself: acceptance or rejection, just free me from uncertainty. Nietzsche once asked if truth were a woman, or something like that. I'd offer a revision. Madness is a woman. Truth is freedom, yet it so rarely makes a speedy appearance.

           -L.C.