Ego and Judgement--Some brief ramblings

 How does it feel to be called a name that isn't representative of who you are? How do you deal with people that judge you? 

I was recently asked this question and I thought I should copy my response to the answer of another person.
"It hurts a lot. Especially when it comes from people who you thought were your friends. When you hear other people tell you, "oh yeah they hate you," you want to shrivel up inside. You feel betrayed, lied to, and heartbroken. Ill be nice to them, but I keep a distance, and stay close to the friends that I know know me for who I am, and not for who I am by the creation of others." - Anonymous
I think our anonymous friend misunderstood the question. "How does it feel to be called a name that ISN'T representative of who you are?" Obviously the key word is "isn't." The very fact that the judgment isn't representative of you sets its value to a zero. It has no worth. No merit. No meaning. There is no reason to be offended because it is untrue. "It's absolutely meaningless. To care what others falsely think is abnegation of the self. It makes your values completely subjective to the whims of others. To be offended shows that you believe you have no right to live for your own sake, and that your only standards are the ones created and placed by others---That you have no sense of self worth." -DM You can't set your Ego based on the approval of others. Ego stems from I. It stems from the value you place on yourself. Your Ego is independent from the thoughts and Egos of others.  Author Carlos Ruiz Zafon once wrote that "there are worse prisons than words."The words of others, if false, should be disregarded completely. They are meaningless. The worst prison is the one you trap yourself in by allowing others to alter your values. False words do not devalue your ethics. They don't devalue your "self." A healthy Ego is one that cannot be touched by others.

This is not to say however, that true judgments should be ignored. If you're offended, analyze whether the judgment is true or false. If false, disregard it. It has no effect on your Ego. Only you can build that through the achievement of your values. If the judgment is true, do not take offense at the one passing judgment, but rather, take offense with yourself. Do not deny the facts of reality. Wishing the judgment away will not make the characteristics you were judged upon disappear. Only you, your Ego, can do that. If the judgment is true and offensive, you obviously must possess a characteristic that you don't value. Analyze yourself and change that characteristic to match your values.


-L.C.