Helping my peers edit their college essays?

I wasn't aware I was the authority on the subject. Believe me, I think myself a mediocre writer at best, yet they're lining up to hear my opinion. If only I could just say no.....

My friend was asked in one of his prompts to describe an activity he does for pleasure alone; he only has 100 words so it needed to be brief. I thought we'd take a creative approach.

"I await the serve, crouched in a stance that would make Federer wet himself. Pink Floyd plays a calming frequency. The bass on my speakers deepens, bumping the garage, and creating the perfect soundtrack for what is to come. My opponent waits for that psychological moment that occurs when the song reaches crescendo. Suddenly, “ping!” The ball hits the table…”pong!” I redirect his serve over the net. My math mind takes over. “Decrease the angle! Hit it harder, Noam! Not that hard!” For 21 points, I’m in heaven. Then it’s over, until I realize it’s best two out of three."

-L.C.