Parody of Hamlet's "To Be or Not to Be" for viewer Clifton W.

To troll, or not to troll: That is the question.

Is it better to suffer the annoying thoughts and actions of outrageous people,

Or to, like a boss, speak my mind, and harangue and harass said people for amusements sake,

And, by making them feel inadequate, end their desire to be themselves.

And by end, I mean to destroy any confidence within them,

And to take great pleasure in doing this.

It’s something I greatly wish though,

That one day, nothing will annoy me.

No, that’s a lie. I live through cyniscm.

If nobody bothered me, what would I say? Who would I degrade?

This, I’ve already seen made manifest when I manufacture annoyance in a certain Campbell.

He does nothing that bothers me, and yet, that bothers me.

I must create an illusion of annoyance to justify my Sheenery,

Sheenery, of course, meaning my idol, recently released from Two and a Half Men.

Incidentally, I don’t know why my thoughts are coming out with such clarity,

My grammar is so stilted, my spelling so poor, as to shame my elementary school teachers.

This is not to say I’m not intelligent.

In fact, I’m probably too intelligent. To be overly conscious, they say, is a disease.

That’s it! That’s why I enjoy trolling. I simply love doing it.

No, that’s not it.

There is nothing more fun than Sheenery, surely, yet, there is method in every troll.

Maybe it’s my 32 ounce Mountain Dew that makes me so confrontational.

The sugar rush must surely not be healthy.

Perhaps it’s my addiction to Chick Fil-A; genetically modified chicken does affect the temper, right?

The answer is upon my conscious.

It’s my walk; that aggressive and lumbering gait

Two adjectives, a paradox to normal people, that nevertheless describe it so well.

The way I carry myself must have an effect on my thoughts.

None of this is true.

I should like to help everyone: Jew, Gentile, Black person and white person.

I don’t want to live of others misery.

My occasional sexist slurs could be avoided if I only had a girlfriend.

I want love. That’s it.

Why ask whether to troll? Let me ask, whether to love?

The answer is must simpler.

- L.C.